Procrast The Nation

A sheepish feeling runs through my body as I begin to type these words. I feel as if I have long been away, avoiding something that once started, quickly takes me over like a fever. I wonder why I spent so long away from this writing expression. I wonder who I let down after my protracted absence. Startled, I realise that the only person whose time I wasted was my own. The only person feeling sheepish happens to be the one who is writing.

The online Oxford Dictionary defines procrastination as 'the action of delaying or postponing something' and I have felt that feeling on and off for most of my life in various regards. Yet I wonder, who has not had this feeling from time to time and where does it come from? Procrastination seems to be a collective and individual response to a certain set of parameters that differ from our current state of being. Sometimes a knee-jerk reaction, sometimes a habitual predilection, born of some hidden motive. Most often, procrastination is associated with laziness and an unwillingness to begin or complete a task. We find all manner of useless things to get on with before embarking, if ever, on the actual job at hand. Cleaning, watching TV, tidying up files, ruminating, staring into space, drinking beer, fiddling with belly buttons. I think I have tried them all and declared myself an expert in most forms of distraction.

Yet, in my travels, I believe it to run deeper than simple laziness. The call to action challenges us to step out of our comfort zone. It beckons us to move into a different frequency of energy. It requires us to make a subtle and sometimes major shift not only in our physicality but in our mental state as well. Often our emotions get involved, heart pumping fast, seeking a way out, some kind of fear or lack of motivation taking hold.

For myself, I have long sought creative expression. I have written poems, songs and essays and for long periods of time I have avoided writing poems, songs and essays. Even this blog, meant to be a documentary and showcase of my travels in inner and outer space has often been put on hold. Not through any lack of wanting I might add. I have been frustrated, depressed and anguished, blocking my art and flow. Finding rhyme and reason for all my excuses. I have embarked on courses to release my creative voice... To banish my artists block! In looking at the blocks, I am sure I created the blocks. In creating blocks, albeit unconsciously, I came up with the techniques to fill my time whilst I avoided my work. Up until only just a few days ago, did I fail to realise that the best way to break the pattern of procrastination is to take a deep breath and jump right in. You see, I was procrastinating about everything; making friends, making plans, practicing yoga, writing songs, booking gigs, playing gigs, practicing guitar, finding jobs and ultimately... feeling good. How do we even procrastinate our way out of feeling good!?

It is not all bad though. Through all this non-action there have of course been moments of pure clarity and purpose. There have been moments of daylight. Moments of pure creation. Moments of frenetic activity. The procrastination has helped me to grow. It has fanned the flames of my inner yearning to do more and be more. In fact, this blog is a reflection of the journey out of procrastination more than the journey into it. It is a call to hope. A herald of free movement, excitement and joy beyond the desert of distraction that so many of us find ourselves in. It is indeed, a proffered hand, offering compassion and understanding, declaring that we are not in fact lazy when we procrastinate but perhaps, more accurately, not quite prepared for the coming change in our energy.

Procrastination offers a way out of action. It is a coping mechanism that activates when we are not up to speed with the vibration and energy that is required of us to make that leap from the old to the new. Often we are stuck in the energy of another task. Often we are stuck in the energy of inertia... a paradox you might say. Yet inertia is addictive. The brain creates short cuts for ease of use. Maybe we fear, for some reason or another doing that thing we so want to do or that task we have set for ourselves. Perhaps that fear came from an early age. We might think we are not good enough. Perhaps we got stuck in a pattern of thinking that is opposite to the task. In this then, procrastination is an avoidance of feeling good. At least, it is an avoidance of feeling really good. We feel relief when we procrastinate. Relief at not having to face judgement, criticism or effort expended. But what is this feeling compared to a job well done, a song well sung, or a painting well hung? What are we missing out on? What satisfaction and joy are we sacrificing for a temporary moment of relief in which to goggle at the latest apps available on android before coming up once again to that same moment of terror and indecision... act or procrastinate, act or procrastinate!

I have explored myself quite fully up to this moment in time. I have no doubt that there is an infinite cosmos more of myself which I can explore. Much like looking into space and identifying most of the stars, declaring that you have now explored all that you can see only to realise that if you travel to the furthest star in your known universe, you will observe a whole new set of wonders that you couldn't see from your stump. Well, that's me. On my stump, looking up. In my looking I have begun to see that what I thought I knew is only the beginning of me. 

I have reached the edge of all I can take with procrastination. I have discovered that the best way to handle it is to love yourself and softly whisper in your own ear... 'This is going to be okay. I can do it. I am going to be fine'. Then you take a deep breath, imagine yourself doing whatever it is you were about to avoid, and with a massive smile on your face, leap right in and begin. In the ensuing moments, when the feeling of fear or procrastination is strong, you imagine the completion of the task and the joy you will feel when it is done.

I feel more positive and active now than I ever have done and it is growing day by day. Moving through procrastination gives you power to embark on new ventures. It gives you confidence because really, I think we are moving through fear into a place of action. But more so, I believe we are moving from a place of not being energetically ready into a place of preparing ourselves to accept life. I think, as we face our inertia, and first imagine our way through it, loving ourselves through it, we become more present. We can enter our bodies more fully and come more into harmony with our heart and our true self. 

For me this is the key. Becoming present and taking time to feel good. Beginning a dialogue with my heart, listening to my positive emotions and following the direction that they point to. Focusing on the aspects of my life that feel good right now. Entering the moment and enlivening myself with good vibrations and only then moving into inspired action. I do not force myself to act but I do leap. Once I have worked myself up into a frenzy, the only thing left to do is leap, and there I go! I love myself. I talk with myself. I provide myself with enough love and encouragement needed for the frenzy and ensuing vault into the void. Now when I hit the chilly waters of my mountain pool of action, I find them invigorating instead of unbearable. Bit by bit I have trained myself in baby steps. Sometimes it takes moments. Other times, when the feeling of procrastination is strong, it takes a day or two. But move through I will for I want to be present and I want to embrace life.

There is a greater dream self in all of us, that eager, excited part of us that yearns for greater expression. It yearns to have fun, explore the world, laugh fully and vibrate with joy. If we can begin that small step of breaking through the most mundane of distractive habits, what fantastic adventures could we then take ourselves upon?! What dreams may come...

One of You, One of Us

Sending out love to the courageous, the unique and the sad,
The angry and the weak, the happy and the bad.
Love to the weird, the wonderful, and 'wrong...'
Love to the 'right' although it's just a different song.
There's love for the sorrowful, the sacred and the scared.
Love for the lonely and the ones that live in fear.
Here is to the big, the tall, the shy and very small.
Here is to everyone, there is love for you all.
Here is to your ride, your path, your consciousness and soul
Here is to your everything, inside you shimmer gold.
There is love for our unity, the oneness in our hearts.
The barriers are coming down so here is to the start.
The dawn of you inside yourself, comfortable and free.
Unlimited and full of love, the bit that you call 'me'.
Here is to your confidence and burgeoning success
To be exactly who you are and love 'the way you dress'.
Sending love to the drum you beat and the rhythms that you sing
It's perfect for this song of life,
We love just what you bring.

Matt Rivers, 28th June 2012

What the Blog?

Why this blog? Why that blog? Why blog at all? Why are they doing it? Why am I doing it? What are we achieving? Why are we not doing something useful like saving the world? Why are we not... arrrrrrgh!

All these questions began crashing through my head last night after reading a Facebook status from a friend who was elegantly eulogising about the questionable purpose of blogs. His ruminations thrust me into a circle of doubt and indignation. What he was saying did not come across as positive. I wanted to shout and scream and justify myself and my blog. I didn't however. Even though the ideas posed by him were not directed towards me, they did strike a chord, if a somewhat dissonant one. So I slept on it hoping an answer would come.

The morning really does bring a new light to situations. I believe we are all magnificent and creative souls that have no need to prove or justify our creative and artistic actions. To do so makes less of us as humans and feels bad - it happens a lot. It did get me thinking though.

I am not in the least bit ashamed to admit that I am a recovering artist. Once in the not too distant past, I was rigidly blocked by my own fears and insecurities, plagued by the voices of my childhood. They told me things like 'you are not worthy', 'there is no career in the arts', and 'could do better'. My creative expression came out in fits and bursts. One song a year perhaps. One line of verse. Unfinished poems littering my notebooks. Standing, frozen in front of a crowd, playing music but not feeling it or even hearing it for fear of getting it wrong... 'could do better...' The disembodied voice echoed in my brain.

I realise now and thank my friend that his comments about blogs have actually formed a further stage of my artistic recovery. Those doubts and fears reared up again and I was able to move through them into a place of understanding rather than be caught like a rabbit in the headlights of my own, self-limiting vehicle.

You see, creating stuff - art, stories, blogs, dances, music - is such a delicious human activity. Writing, in particular, is something no other animal on the planet does. We are unique in that medium. We are driven to expression and I believe it is our nature. We live and breath as all life does but we also have an innate need to express ourselves and share it. Being human is not a singular pursuit. It is a community thing and in order to function we have to share food, water, air, space, ideas, experiences and art. We are having a relationship with life itself and everything we see is life. It is our right and heritage, as individuals, to step into our creative selves and exercise the freedom to express our perceptions and experiences, free of the demons of ego, limitation, well-meaning opinion, sensibility and moral ethics.

Our ego is so bent on analysing and justifying ourselves and others actions and motivations, we often miss the simple pleasure of enjoying stuff. As I have opened up as an artist, I have found myself wrestling with my ego all the time. I come up with a million excuses and distractions to actually sitting down and creating something. 'See...', it says, 'here is proof that if you create you shall be humiliated', as I read yet another damning review on an artwork. There is a culture of ridicule, criticism and questioning concerning all acts of creativity that gets in the way of simple expression. We are afraid that our meagre offerings will not be high art; that we lack a certain something; that the dreaded 'x-factor' is not present.

I have learned to draw back and let go of that voice but others may not be in such a position yet. To react is to feed the fires of apathy and procrastination. I change my focus, stop listening to the naysayers in my head and in the outer world. In truth, the voices in the outer world are really just echoing the ones in our heads. The ego is desperate to find reasons for things. It is that logical left-brained pursuit of validation and putting things in boxes. If it doesn't fit, then it must be wrong! How many negative patterns have we created in our minds that hinder us from creating real and honest art at any level? Time to let go.

All humans are creative, artistic beings capable of expression on any level, whether it is a masterpiece, a best selling album, a graffiti tag or a twitter tweet. I know because I have been there when a person, adamant they are not creative has tapped into an area of themselves they were not aware of. It is amazing to watch... and it is all valid. We all have the right to be free in our ability to express. We all have the right to create, free from ridicule and ego-based rationale. What does it matter if we do not like something? In a buffet of delicious food, if you don't like olives, you don't carry on eating them. You find a food that you do like. It is the same with the rest of life.

There are myriad reasons for posting blogs, writing songs, dancing down the street, composing poems, lyrics and books. Every fellow human lives in a different world of perceptions, hopes, fears and beliefs. We cannot be sure of everyone's motivations or reasons for creating. Perhaps it is irrelevant. So, let us celebrate and encourage the one common reason for creation that we can be sure of... the need to express our own unique viewpoint. It may not save the world, but maybe freedom of expression is just what the world and humanity needs at the moment.

Our hearts and souls have no need for explanations. They just are. We can drop into our hearts and simply be and enjoy what we see. If we do not like it, we can look for something else we do like. We have that choice. It is that simple. I fulfill my soul yearnings by writing and singing and it makes me happy. When I have not followed my creative urge, I got sad. For me it is that simple. We do what we do because it makes us happy, and in following our bliss, we are able to inspire others to happiness too. So here is to creation. Here is to our creation and our expression of our own unique worlds. I look forward to seeing yours.

Matthew  xxx

Creative Flow

We wait for inspiration yet inspiration also means to breath in. Breathing is a present moment action so nothing will come if we wait. Waiting says that right now, in the present, there is nothing. The energy of 'waiting' is that something is not here yet! But just like breathing, we must be present with our own creativity. Let go of thinking for that is the block. Thinking and waiting block us. We 'think' creativity is something else - some grand gesture, some intense flash of genius that instantly produces great art but actually it is a series of small steps, just like a jigsaw. We do not compete a thousand piece picture in one placement of a tile. We slowly uncover it by being present and trusting our heart and the flow. Creativity is trusting that flow, being impulsive in the moment and making one small step. A line on a page, a word, a gesture, one note. Bit by bit, we flow toward the next step, trusting our heart. We breath in the moment. We flow with our hands, our bodies, our feet. Genius lies in the power of focus and we all have the ability to focus. So, what do we focus upon... the idea that is not there? Or the present moment and what is flowing out of us? We let go of mind. We let go of thought. We embrace creativity in the moment. Flowing like a river. Freeing our minds. We let go and drop into our ever-present hearts. Love.

A Plan For All Seasons - Spring

How do you go from being squirreled away in a dark basement flat for a year in self-imposed hermitage, with no job and no income to traveling to 4 countries in as many seasons? That is what my family and friends have been asking me all year because that is precisely what's happening.

More to the point, how do you begin to take control of your life in a meaningful way, and begin to change the flow and balance of your experience, from struggle, limit and pain to expanding conscious awareness of self, thought, emotion, unity, compassion and love?

In one month I fly to India, my fourth country this year. In Spring of 2011 I was in Denmark, Summer I worked in Greece and spent a good part of Autumn in Poland. The point of this 4-part blog series is to explore the renaissance of my spirit, from the dark year of my solitude right through the blossoming Springtime into the seasons of my expanding year. It is an ongoing healing journey that I hope will inspire you and move you to take a little more control of your thoughts, emotions and experiences.

Let's not dwell on the year of darkness too much, suffice to say that I  found myself at the end of a long and poignant relationship which led me (albeit briefly) down a path of self-destruction, torment and pain. Beyond this lay a period in my life where I did not do much apart from self-analyse, give myself healing in many forms and eat. I was broken and I wanted to know why. I wanted to explore the reasons why people have ever-repeating dramas in their lives. I wanted to know the truth of the ideas of love, spirit, unity and joy that I had read in so many books over the last 20 years. What were the likes of Jesus, Gandhi, Abraham-Hicks, Yogananda, Richard Bach and Buddha going on about? How was it, after so many years of reading, meditating, yoga, study, chanting, learning, healing, praying and searching that I was still repeating the same old dramas, seemingly stuck in another rut that felt all too familiar? How could we find and maintain a lasting sense of happiness, success, unity, fulfillment, joy and connection? Would I ever become the self-realised soul that I had dreamed of?


So I sat and I meditated. I meditated through the pain, both emotional and physical. When people asked me what I had been up to in any given week I could not really answer. Would they understand? I had been trawling through all my thoughts and letting go of the heavy ones, the ones that did not serve me. I had been searching for root causes of beliefs and seeing if they were applicable to me. I gave myself lots of Reiki and graduated to Reiki Master. I completed a course on exploring our inner artist. All the while releasing the baggage of old, negative patterns. Each day I felt lighter but still my life would not move or shift. Still I was searching for something outside of me to come and save me. Still I had days of joy and connection then days of inertia and depression.

Then, one day, in Spring this year, an idea hit me. Instead of struggling, searching, seeking, forcing, fretting, sweating and sinking... I would just let go. That was it. I stopped. I took a deep breath and let go. I let go of worry. I let go thinking about dark things. I let go of trying to get anywhere and instead I began going on adventures. I cycled. I walked. I noticed Spring blossoming and I just enjoyed it. I ate good food and baked bread. I sang to myself and if I couldn't think nice thoughts, I did not think at all. I still had no money, I was in debt, and hadn't paid my rent but I was happy because I changed what I was looking at. I did things that were free. I made a decision to move back to my parents house and that felt right. It all felt right. Letting go felt right. The pressure lifted. I began teaching what I knew. I began sharing what I had learned - Reiki, my insights into energy and spirit, love and gratitude. I let my intuition guide me and listened less to my mind and ego. I made lists of what I liked rather than the endless murmur of problems that our mind usually throws up. I started putting love first before judgement or reaction.


And that is when something remarkable happened. Life began to flood into my experience. I was sat on the beach when a friend rang me and asked me to come to Denmark with her. It was a free holiday paid for by the Danish Tourist Board. An adventure... from nowhere! Life had echoed my current state of beingness. It had brought me an adventure out of the blue with one of my old friends. I was feeling adventurous and happy at that point and life responded in kind. So I went to Denmark and had a first-class holiday against all odds! I stayed in first class hotels and castles whilst having no money back at home. On my return, I moved out of my house back to my parents with a feeling of contentment that I had begun to move down the path I had been so long seeking. I had begun to see that in searching we miss the point. We are already where we need to be. We are the answer we are searching for and life and wisdom begin to flow when we begin to enjoy the Now moment.

You see, I truly believe that life responds to our thoughts and feelings. When we feel shit, life can only echo those feelings and our experiences will not be joyful. When we feel great, life is great and everything we live is great. Go beyond this further and when we consciously choose to feel good in any moment, to let go of worry, to focus on love, to see and give out love then life begins to flood in and offer us new experiences.

We have a choice in every moment. To keep our mind on problems and thoughts that feel bad or to turn away from them and find something that feels better. In that moment, if we decide to choose a better feeling thought (and we ALL can), it draws another better feeling thought to it. If we maintain this flow, if we reside in the present moment, letting go of past mistakes and hurt, letting go of future worrying, we begin to feel better. As we feel better, life GETS better. We see the light of day again. Whoever saw the light of day when they felt bad? We only see it once we feel good again. Our feelings are within our control. All we need to do is let go and take control of our thoughts and mind.

Life is always flowing. It has to. The next moment is unwritten. Anything is possible beyond now. Anything is possible RIGHT now. Life responds to us. It responds to what we are feeling... now, through people, ideas and experiences. So, in this moment, at this point in time, I dare you to let go. Let go of what you are worrying about. Find something to feel good about right now. No matter what. Just for fun. Just for a laugh. Just for a moment. Try it. See where it takes you...

Love

To be continued...

What Goes Around...

This is another beginning. This is a beginning that has no end... or perhaps an end that has no beginning. This a perfect circle. A moment in time, caught in the present moment because truly, all beginnings hark to endings and all endings mark new beginnings.

So what I am wittering about? Well, it has been a while since I began this adventure. Years if you count the preceding waltzes I have had through life... and countless lifetimes if you wanna get highly metaphysical on me. But excuse me, I digress when I should focus. I am of course referring to this writing and blog.

Back in September 2010 I began with such passion and hope that I would be writing my way into the future and yet, after an initial burst of frenetic energy, the winter brought only drought to the sparse landscape of my newly created webpage blog. What have I been doing for the last 8 months? Brewing... that is what. And I am not referring to vats and barrels of yeasty hops and foaming beer. It is more like an inner brew born of a lifetime of reading and adventure. A heady mix of travelling and introspection. A roller-coaster ride of cleansing and healing mixed with Reiki courses and tarot, daily journals and relaxing. I have been processing my chi and cleaning my brain and as they say, I'm beginning to feel sane!

Since that very first post I have graduated as a Reiki Master, learned to read tarot, completed a book course called the Artists Way and another called Drawing on the Right Side of The Brain. I have attuned my first Reiki students, processed and cleaned up all the old redundant emotional baggage amassed over the last 30 years and basically given myself a good old spring clean.

Where does that leave me? Well... this is the exciting part. It plonks me firmly in the present moment, attentive, open, ready to create, inspired, motivated, on the threshold of a dream. I have learned a lot about myself in the last few years and about healing, well-being, abundance, creativity, health and spirituality. In fact, I have been on this journey since the day I was born but more about that later. The point is this...

I am ready to share my journey with you in the hope that it may inspire you. I want to share my thoughts and insights. My learnings and ideas. For all my life my head has been filled with creative pathways that I never quite had the confidence to walk down and I can feel the shift and change in me now. I have learnt to trust myself and moreover, to trust the Universe.

So this blog really is an offering of myself. My art, my writings, my music and my thoughts. It is offered humbley with love. I am a healer, a teacher, a musician, a poet, a writer... many things I am but above all I am a soul, incarnate as a human being just like you. I am awakening to the awareness of that fact as we speak and offer my help and inspiration if I can, if you so wish, if you so choose. We are eternal, beautiful, powerful, creative beings that are meant to live a life of joy. And I tell you this now... Anything is possible!

The Love Revolution

At some point we have to let go of healing and embrace well-being. Healing always supposes that we are not fully whole and are in a process of journeying to a point in the future where health resides. But here is the contradiction. The only point that exists is the ever present now moment. So, when we sit in our present moment focusing on healing, we are actually focusing at one level on not being whole. Don't let this worry you. We have plenty of time.

Thought is creative, always, every second, every minute, every moment you ever have. You are creating with your thoughts, words and actions. Begin then to embrace well-being this very moment. Tell yourself now that you are whole, and well, and perfect. The potential for perfect health and well-being exists right now in your body... Shut your eyes.

Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Focus on all the love in your heart that you have for people, for the world, for your pastimes, ideas and interests. Feel that love. Let it rise up. Let it flow through every cell in your body. Take another breath and breathe in fresh air and oxygen. Here is life force, prana, chi, ki. We cannot go much longer than two minutes without air. It is a gift for you. It sustains you. There is love in it... for you in every single atom of air, in every single breath. Feel the love as you breathe in. Share it with others as you breathe out. There is so much love in your body, in your mind. Do not be afraid to let it out. Feel it. Because, this is where your well-being lives.

Take a breath. Within your heart, within your mind, within your soul is a doorway to well-being and joy and happiness. Through this door you will find a great deal more amazingness than you could have ever imagined. The door is labelled LOVE. It is your love. Not an idea you or religion or society or anyone else has about what love should be but the individual love each of you feel for different things. Let that love bubble up. Each person's door is different. Each person has love for different people, different ideas, different words, different music, different foods. Breathe. Let what you love bubble up into your mind. Feel your own personal love for the wonderful things in your Universe. Send that love to your body, to your mind, to your friends. Breathe the love in and share it with others as you breathe out. Let it flood you and sooth you. Relax.

Your body has the potential for well-being and perfect health right now. So, if you dare, take a moment and breathe. Let go of everything else. All thoughts, all words and all actions. Just stop. And breathe. Walk through your own personal door of love. Breathe and feel the love that is within you that you have nurtured for all the special things in your own private universe. This is your healing path. So stop often and walk through this door within. It is easy to find. Just follow the trail you left for yourself. A trail of love, left by you, for you to find your way back to your heart, so that you may walk through that door of love back to your kingdom of peace, joy, health, well-being, harmony and oneness. A door that leads not only to your kingdom, but to mine too. To all beings. Come... we are waiting for you. Always.