How do you go from being squirreled away in a dark basement flat for a year in self-imposed hermitage, with no job and no income to traveling to 4 countries in as many seasons? That is what my family and friends have been asking me all year because that is precisely what's happening.
More to the point, how do you begin to take control of your life in a meaningful way, and begin to change the flow and balance of your experience, from struggle, limit and pain to expanding conscious awareness of self, thought, emotion, unity, compassion and love?
In one month I fly to India, my fourth country this year. In Spring of 2011 I was in Denmark, Summer I worked in Greece and spent a good part of Autumn in Poland. The point of this 4-part blog series is to explore the renaissance of my spirit, from the dark year of my solitude right through the blossoming Springtime into the seasons of my expanding year. It is an ongoing healing journey that I hope will inspire you and move you to take a little more control of your thoughts, emotions and experiences.
Let's not dwell on the year of darkness too much, suffice to say that I found myself at the end of a long and poignant relationship which led me (albeit briefly) down a path of self-destruction, torment and pain. Beyond this lay a period in my life where I did not do much apart from self-analyse, give myself healing in many forms and eat. I was broken and I wanted to know why. I wanted to explore the reasons why people have ever-repeating dramas in their lives. I wanted to know the truth of the ideas of love, spirit, unity and joy that I had read in so many books over the last 20 years. What were the likes of Jesus, Gandhi, Abraham-Hicks, Yogananda, Richard Bach and Buddha going on about? How was it, after so many years of reading, meditating, yoga, study, chanting, learning, healing, praying and searching that I was still repeating the same old dramas, seemingly stuck in another rut that felt all too familiar? How could we find and maintain a lasting sense of happiness, success, unity, fulfillment, joy and connection? Would I ever become the self-realised soul that I had dreamed of?
So I sat and I meditated. I meditated through the pain, both emotional and physical. When people asked me what I had been up to in any given week I could not really answer. Would they understand? I had been trawling through all my thoughts and letting go of the heavy ones, the ones that did not serve me. I had been searching for root causes of beliefs and seeing if they were applicable to me. I gave myself lots of Reiki and graduated to Reiki Master. I completed a course on exploring our inner artist. All the while releasing the baggage of old, negative patterns. Each day I felt lighter but still my life would not move or shift. Still I was searching for something outside of me to come and save me. Still I had days of joy and connection then days of inertia and depression.
Then, one day, in Spring this year, an idea hit me. Instead of struggling, searching, seeking, forcing, fretting, sweating and sinking... I would just let go. That was it. I stopped. I took a deep breath and let go. I let go of worry. I let go thinking about dark things. I let go of trying to get anywhere and instead I began going on adventures. I cycled. I walked. I noticed Spring blossoming and I just enjoyed it. I ate good food and baked bread. I sang to myself and if I couldn't think nice thoughts, I did not think at all. I still had no money, I was in debt, and hadn't paid my rent but I was happy because I changed what I was looking at. I did things that were free. I made a decision to move back to my parents house and that felt right. It all felt right. Letting go felt right. The pressure lifted. I began teaching what I knew. I began sharing what I had learned - Reiki, my insights into energy and spirit, love and gratitude. I let my intuition guide me and listened less to my mind and ego. I made lists of what I liked rather than the endless murmur of problems that our mind usually throws up. I started putting love first before judgement or reaction.
And that is when something remarkable happened. Life began to flood into my experience. I was sat on the beach when a friend rang me and asked me to come to Denmark with her. It was a free holiday paid for by the Danish Tourist Board. An adventure... from nowhere! Life had echoed my current state of beingness. It had brought me an adventure out of the blue with one of my old friends. I was feeling adventurous and happy at that point and life responded in kind. So I went to Denmark and had a first-class holiday against all odds! I stayed in first class hotels and castles whilst having no money back at home. On my return, I moved out of my house back to my parents with a feeling of contentment that I had begun to move down the path I had been so long seeking. I had begun to see that in searching we miss the point. We are already where we need to be. We are the answer we are searching for and life and wisdom begin to flow when we begin to enjoy the Now moment.
You see, I truly believe that life responds to our thoughts and feelings. When we feel shit, life can only echo those feelings and our experiences will not be joyful. When we feel great, life is great and everything we live is great. Go beyond this further and when we consciously choose to feel good in any moment, to let go of worry, to focus on love, to see and give out love then life begins to flood in and offer us new experiences.
We have a choice in every moment. To keep our mind on problems and thoughts that feel bad or to turn away from them and find something that feels better. In that moment, if we decide to choose a better feeling thought (and we ALL can), it draws another better feeling thought to it. If we maintain this flow, if we reside in the present moment, letting go of past mistakes and hurt, letting go of future worrying, we begin to feel better. As we feel better, life GETS better. We see the light of day again. Whoever saw the light of day when they felt bad? We only see it once we feel good again. Our feelings are within our control. All we need to do is let go and take control of our thoughts and mind.
Life is always flowing. It has to. The next moment is unwritten. Anything is possible beyond now. Anything is possible RIGHT now. Life responds to us. It responds to what we are feeling... now, through people, ideas and experiences. So, in this moment, at this point in time, I dare you to let go. Let go of what you are worrying about. Find something to feel good about right now. No matter what. Just for fun. Just for a laugh. Just for a moment. Try it. See where it takes you...
Love
To be continued...
More to the point, how do you begin to take control of your life in a meaningful way, and begin to change the flow and balance of your experience, from struggle, limit and pain to expanding conscious awareness of self, thought, emotion, unity, compassion and love?
In one month I fly to India, my fourth country this year. In Spring of 2011 I was in Denmark, Summer I worked in Greece and spent a good part of Autumn in Poland. The point of this 4-part blog series is to explore the renaissance of my spirit, from the dark year of my solitude right through the blossoming Springtime into the seasons of my expanding year. It is an ongoing healing journey that I hope will inspire you and move you to take a little more control of your thoughts, emotions and experiences.
Let's not dwell on the year of darkness too much, suffice to say that I found myself at the end of a long and poignant relationship which led me (albeit briefly) down a path of self-destruction, torment and pain. Beyond this lay a period in my life where I did not do much apart from self-analyse, give myself healing in many forms and eat. I was broken and I wanted to know why. I wanted to explore the reasons why people have ever-repeating dramas in their lives. I wanted to know the truth of the ideas of love, spirit, unity and joy that I had read in so many books over the last 20 years. What were the likes of Jesus, Gandhi, Abraham-Hicks, Yogananda, Richard Bach and Buddha going on about? How was it, after so many years of reading, meditating, yoga, study, chanting, learning, healing, praying and searching that I was still repeating the same old dramas, seemingly stuck in another rut that felt all too familiar? How could we find and maintain a lasting sense of happiness, success, unity, fulfillment, joy and connection? Would I ever become the self-realised soul that I had dreamed of?
So I sat and I meditated. I meditated through the pain, both emotional and physical. When people asked me what I had been up to in any given week I could not really answer. Would they understand? I had been trawling through all my thoughts and letting go of the heavy ones, the ones that did not serve me. I had been searching for root causes of beliefs and seeing if they were applicable to me. I gave myself lots of Reiki and graduated to Reiki Master. I completed a course on exploring our inner artist. All the while releasing the baggage of old, negative patterns. Each day I felt lighter but still my life would not move or shift. Still I was searching for something outside of me to come and save me. Still I had days of joy and connection then days of inertia and depression.
Then, one day, in Spring this year, an idea hit me. Instead of struggling, searching, seeking, forcing, fretting, sweating and sinking... I would just let go. That was it. I stopped. I took a deep breath and let go. I let go of worry. I let go thinking about dark things. I let go of trying to get anywhere and instead I began going on adventures. I cycled. I walked. I noticed Spring blossoming and I just enjoyed it. I ate good food and baked bread. I sang to myself and if I couldn't think nice thoughts, I did not think at all. I still had no money, I was in debt, and hadn't paid my rent but I was happy because I changed what I was looking at. I did things that were free. I made a decision to move back to my parents house and that felt right. It all felt right. Letting go felt right. The pressure lifted. I began teaching what I knew. I began sharing what I had learned - Reiki, my insights into energy and spirit, love and gratitude. I let my intuition guide me and listened less to my mind and ego. I made lists of what I liked rather than the endless murmur of problems that our mind usually throws up. I started putting love first before judgement or reaction.
And that is when something remarkable happened. Life began to flood into my experience. I was sat on the beach when a friend rang me and asked me to come to Denmark with her. It was a free holiday paid for by the Danish Tourist Board. An adventure... from nowhere! Life had echoed my current state of beingness. It had brought me an adventure out of the blue with one of my old friends. I was feeling adventurous and happy at that point and life responded in kind. So I went to Denmark and had a first-class holiday against all odds! I stayed in first class hotels and castles whilst having no money back at home. On my return, I moved out of my house back to my parents with a feeling of contentment that I had begun to move down the path I had been so long seeking. I had begun to see that in searching we miss the point. We are already where we need to be. We are the answer we are searching for and life and wisdom begin to flow when we begin to enjoy the Now moment.
You see, I truly believe that life responds to our thoughts and feelings. When we feel shit, life can only echo those feelings and our experiences will not be joyful. When we feel great, life is great and everything we live is great. Go beyond this further and when we consciously choose to feel good in any moment, to let go of worry, to focus on love, to see and give out love then life begins to flood in and offer us new experiences.
We have a choice in every moment. To keep our mind on problems and thoughts that feel bad or to turn away from them and find something that feels better. In that moment, if we decide to choose a better feeling thought (and we ALL can), it draws another better feeling thought to it. If we maintain this flow, if we reside in the present moment, letting go of past mistakes and hurt, letting go of future worrying, we begin to feel better. As we feel better, life GETS better. We see the light of day again. Whoever saw the light of day when they felt bad? We only see it once we feel good again. Our feelings are within our control. All we need to do is let go and take control of our thoughts and mind.
Life is always flowing. It has to. The next moment is unwritten. Anything is possible beyond now. Anything is possible RIGHT now. Life responds to us. It responds to what we are feeling... now, through people, ideas and experiences. So, in this moment, at this point in time, I dare you to let go. Let go of what you are worrying about. Find something to feel good about right now. No matter what. Just for fun. Just for a laugh. Just for a moment. Try it. See where it takes you...
Love
To be continued...
